Many children in care have experienced neglect and/or trauma, and this can lead to attachment difficulties in relation to their foster/adoptive carers. How children’s attachment difficulties arise and why they behave in certain ways can help us to understand how we can best respond.
Why Attachment Difficulties Develop
An attachment difficulty comes from a child’s early experiences of their caregivers being unpredictable, frightening or absent. A foster child may initially expect to be neglected by their new foster carers and when they are not, this can come as a huge shock to them.
What It Can Look Like Day to Day
Children with attachment difficulties use defensive behaviours to protect themselves from feared loss, abandonment or failure. These include such behaviours as physical hostility, hyper vigilance and hoarding as well as lying or testing a foster carer in order to find out how they will react.
Respond Consistently, Not Perfectly
The most powerful thing is to consistently respond to a child in the same way. Even when that response is calm and safe, after a difficult event, it sends a powerful message that you won’t disappear or become angry.
Use Co-Regulation Before Expecting Self-Control
These children cannot manage their feelings in the normal way and need the foster carer to sit with them until they have settled down. The foster carer talks to them in a calm voice and says what is happening.
Keep Routines Predictable
Establishing and following set routines around mealtimes, bedtimes, and times to get up in the morning are also crucial to establishing that life is safe and structured for children and young people. Therapeutic Fostering is covered in more detail at https://saferfostering.org.uk/therapeutic-fostering/.
Follow Published Guidance
NICE guidelines on the mental health of looked-after children and young people state that trauma-informed support is a priority for children in care.
Small consistent actions of stability and trust can affect a child’s sense of whether they can trust the world or not.